Mapping It Out

It has come to my attention that I may lack direction in my life. This is not a new concept to me, and you know this if you've read any more than a couple of my posts. However, I would like to clarify that I have not always been this way. In fact, there was a time in my life when I felt I had a definite trajectory for my future. It was vague, yes, and maybe a bit ambiguous, but it was hopeful and I derived confidence from it. I had a plan that lacked details, yes, but it was backed by my belief in my ability to achieve it. In the past my direction has come from numerous sources: my mom and dad, the church, and the cult (Avatar) I was a part of for the last several years.

Let's widen back for a minute with a story. During my time doing Avatar, I attended several courses that were usually held in Florida. I live in Tennessee. The time I had spent in Florida was next to none before attending these conventions. Since my first course, I have traveled (usually driving) to and from Florida no less than nine times (in three years) equaling a total of 18 one-way trips. One of such return trip, I was traveling alone. I was returning from my first Wizard's course, I believe, that was held in Orlando. As I left the city I knew I needed to go east on I-4 for just a short jaunt, then get on I-75 at some point. My directions were vague, and this was before I had a smartphone to immediately redirect me toward my desired destination. Instead of getting on I-75 like I had intended, I continued on I-4 until I entered Daytona Beach where they were having some NASCAR event. (I noticed this because there were large banners positioned over the road.) By this time, I figured I probably wasn't anywhere near I-75 so I decided to stop and ask for directions. There was a gas station that looked promising so I pulled in there. By the grace of a benevolent Being, when I asked the cashier if he knew how to get to Tennessee from where we were, the couple that was about to leave the gas station mentioned they had just come from Tennesee. They told me how and showed me where I needed to go. Basically, just get on... Um, actually, I don't remember how they said to go home. I think the numbers included something in the 80's but I could be mistaken. I went through Jacksonville, I remember that much. Eventually, I made it home, after going about an hour and a half out of my way (from what I could tell). The point of the story is, if those people had not been there, and I had not gotten directions, I still may, to this day, be wandering around in Florida somewhere. Actually, the moral of the story is: have solid directions the first time. Or maybe it is to be lucky? I'm not sure, either.

What I'm getting at is that getting correct and accurate directions is important. It is also something I'm not especially great at doing the first time. Something about wandering around appeals to me as long as I know I will arrive sooner or later, and I'm not on a timeline. A timeline adds an entirely different element to the equation and I feel a lot more pressure to get to where I need to go sooner. I also have a sense that it is normal to have some wandering in life, but if you want to actually arrive anywhere it is important to have directions. I am reminded of Alice's experience when she requests directions from the Cheshire cat. At least when I was in Florida I knew I wanted to get to Tennessee. It wasn't as if I didn't have a destination in mind. When considering the other foot, I am also reminded of Neo in The Matrix. His is less of a literal journey and more of one that involves his search for identity. It was not something he was able to determine from outside of himself because his external reality was determined by his internal one. When he talks to the old woman about his significance she tells him what he needs to hear in order to achieve his destiny. But her directions were vague and ambiguous as well.

In my process of learning to write a story, I've come to the realization that authors of stories must have a beginning, middle, and end in mind if they are to create a compelling story. It is this vision that gives the story structure and subsequent significance. It is within this structure that the reader is able to make sense of what has, is, and will happen, and on a greater scale, understand their own life a little bit better. The story structure is the frame through which one views the picture; it holds the glass, and provides boundaries that support the perceiver's belief. When those boundaries are weak or broken, it is easy to get lost. Directions become confusing without context and the meaning fades to black. The better the structure, the more easily it is applicable. Access is granted. Forward movement can be achieved.

Although I still don't have clear direction in my life, I am working on creating a map that I can follow. Instead of jumping on the next covered wagon headed west, I am giving some consideration to my destination beyond what I have been told is permissible. It does take a bit longer, but I have more time than money right now, so that's okay. I'm giving myself time to figure it out.

And now, a theme song: